 Excerpts from the Book
The Trojan Horse:
Gifts and How to Interpret Their Hidden Meaning “Oh, what a pretty bow!” you exclaim. This little pink present can be a Pandora’s box of insecurity and resentment. Sometimes, what seems like a sweet gift is actually one that says your SAT score brings down the family average.
“Getting gifts from my in-laws is like being on Extreme Makeover. Last Christmas, I was given Proactiv, the acne medicine. This Christmas, my mother-in-law told me her gift will change my skin from Nicole Kidman–pale to Jennifer Lopez–gold. The present was self-tanning cream. The card read: ‘To Joanna, for your health.’”
--Joanna, Charleston
“My in-laws recently returned from a life-altering trip to India. For Christmas, they gave me wooden bracelets, silk scarves, and a fertility statue.”
--Melanie, New Haven
It can be so confusing. You were almost certain they liked you, until you opened a tub of peach-scented hand cream -- a gift that says, “I don’t know you and I would give this to the nice lady at church whose name escapes me.” Rest assured, most gifts are given with the best of intentions and purest of heart. But when questions arise and nagging doubt rears its ugly head, refer to this handy chart of common holiday gifts and how to interpret their hidden meaning.
| The Gift |
What They Say |
What They Don't Say |
| J. Crew sweater |
"I didn't know what size you were." |
"I grabbed the largest size, Ms. Fatty McFat |
| Subscription to Parenting |
"Where are my grandkids?" |
"Don't screw up my grandkids!" |
| 16" silver and sapphire necklace |
"I really hope you like it!" |
"It's not an engagement ring, but please stay with my son -- the shmuck!" |
| Knitted cap |
"I thought this color would look wonderful on you." |
"We didn't know you were coming and found this upstairs." |
| Jingle All the Way, Home Alone 2, and Christmas with the Kranks DVDs |
"It's so nice to finally meet you! My son hides all his girlfriends from me. I don't know why?" |
"I hope she likes the batteries, paper towels, oranges, and blank CDs I also got her from Costco." |
| Cotton dress from 1952 |
"It's vintage." |
"I've been meaning to clean out my closet." |
| Mug, wall calendar, or mousepad with family photo |
"Just a little something silly from us to you." |
"Think of us every morning. And then call us. If we don't call you first." |
| $100 check |
"We know you don't need this." |
"We know you need this." |
| Kitten calendar |
"We know how much you and Dan adore cats." |
"Where are my grandkids?!" |
| Harrius Potter et Philosophi Lapis (Harry Potter in Latin) |
"We know it's not The Real World, Vol. 7 DVD that you wanted . . ." |
"But it will broaden your current vocabulary of 'totally,' 'like,' and 'cool.'" |
| "Live Strong" bracelet, tree in Israel, or a barrette made by tsunami victims |
"Our family prioritizes giving our hearts to those less fortunate." |
"Clearly, our son feels the same way." |
| Homemade ashtray |
"I made it in my art class." |
"I made it in my AA meeting." |
| Flannel pajama onesie |
"Something cozy to put on after a long workday." |
"It's a body condom." |
Copyright © 2007 Dina Koutas Poch. All rights reserved. |
